하버드 비즈니스 스쿨에 합격한 에세이 중에서 잘된 것 중 하나.. 어려운 단어도 없고(제일 어려운 단어가 아마 quadriplegic(사지 마비 환자), 나머지는 다 평범한 단어), 화려한 문체도 아니고, 복잡한 문장 구조도 없다. 대신 내용이 매우 무거운 내용이다.
우리나라에서는 미국 대학/MBA 지원할 때 아이비리그 영문학/철학 석/박사 출신한테 에세이 작업을 맡겨야만 좋은 에세이가 나온다고 생각한다. 지금 아래 에세이가 컨설팅해서 나온 에세이라면 대부분 "내용은 괜찮은데 이거 너무 글이 평범하지 않나요?"라고 할 게 빤하다.
껍데기를 중요시하는 사고방식과 알맹이를 중요시하는 사고방식의 차이다. 알맹이를 중요시하는 사고방식을 가진 나라로 학교를 갈 거면서 왜 껍데기에 치중을 하는지 알 수가 없다.
(에세이 링크:
http://www.businessinsider.com/excellent-hbs-admissions-essay-2014-8#ixzz3BgbF9k9P)
What else would I like you to know?
I am who I am today mostly because of my brother [name]. [name] was born when I was four years old, and he had an extremely rare birth defect called Robert's Syndrome. At the time, he was one of a handful in the world to have it. He was born without arms, couldn't walk or talk, and had many other severe physical and mental defects. It was a complete shock to my parents. He was only expected to live for a day or two, but after a few weeks in the hospital he was healthy enough to come home with us. I was too young to really understand what was going on; I was just excited to have a brother.
[name] was a full-time job for us. For his entire life he was incapable of doing anything for himself. My parents and I didn't have much, but we did have an amazing family and group of friends to support us. We couldn't have taken care of [name] without all of them, and seeing this level of sacrifice from so many people had a huge impact on me. No one ever complained. No one ever hesitated. We just did what we had to, and I saw first-hand at a young age how important it is to work together and help those around you. And our family (extended included), became so much closer because of how we came together for [name], and that closeness still holds today.
[name] ended up living for about four years, and I'm so grateful for the lessons I learned from him. My generosity, kindness, team work, and independence, come directly from him being in my life. And learning to deal with that level of stress and responsibility made me a much, much stronger person than I would have been without.
So my family and I have carried [name]'s memory with us since he passed in the form of giving to others. About ten years ago, we started a charity called [institution], whose purpose is to supply beds and bedding to children in our area who are without. The thought was that [name] spent most of his life in bed, and if we hadn't had a decent one for him his life would have been so uncomfortable. As of this year, we have supplied almost [number] kids with mattresses, blankets, and stuffed animals, and each year we are able to help more and more children.
This mentality of service has been a big part of my life since we started [institution], and as I got older I wanted to start branching out to new service opportunities. And let me tell you, [city] has been a great place to start. This city has made a serious impression on me. Anyone who's from here either loves it or hates it, but either way, [city] is the kind of place that defines a person. [city] is the underdog, full of unrealized potential. Living in a place like this has opened my eyes to the heartache of missed opportunities (not even mentioning our sports teams…), and it's because of this that I've become so involved in the community. I've been able to work with so many very smart, driven people, and together we've done a lot to make a positive impact. My work with the [institution] has allowed me to help raise over [number] for small, local NFPs, and my work with the [institution] has complemented that with a more hands-on, service based focus. And being a Big Brother through [institution] has allowed me to make a lasting, consistent impact in a more focused way.
All of these, together with working for a commercial bank, have given me a very satisfying life balance. I'm able to do so many things, and able to make a tangible impact in each of them. But sometimes I do so much that I don't take the time to stop and look around – to process what's happening. This was missing in my life. I know that the path I'd been taking was the right one for me, I'd just never truly felt ready to move on to the next phase.
This changed this past summer when I did my first [event]. If you're not familiar with this, it's a [number] mile swim followed by a [number] mile bike and then a [number] mile run. Still seems nuts to me. I'd never done a triathlon of any kind before I signed up for this, but was so overwhelmed by watching my friend compete in the same one the year before. I'll never forget the moment: I was watching a quadriplegic go up the final – and largest – hill in his wheelchair, sweating, grunting, and crying. And finishing. I'm pretty sure everyone watching that was crying; it was one of the most moving things I'd ever seen. So I signed up.
Training for this requires a serious amount of time, most of which you're alone with your thoughts (no music allowed during the race, so you train without). Eight hours biking, five running, and two swimming, each week for seven months, is so mentally taxing, and your mind goes to some new places. I started reflecting a lot, and really began to understand the choices I've made and the impact they've had. I thought a lot about where I was in life, why I was there, and what I would have done differently along the way. I thought about what I wanted for my future, not just career-wise, but in order to be happy. And it's not so much that my views changed from this experience, but I feel like I've gained a new level of clarity. I'm much more confident in my life goals, and can pursue them with pride and conviction.
I'm now ready to move on to the next phase of my life, and am very excited to do so.
작년에 타 학원에서 컨설팅 했던 학생이 찾아와 이번에 편입을 하겠다고 한다. 작년 원서를 봤더니 정말 기가막혔다. 그 학생의 UC 에세이를 봤는데, 우선 1번 에세이는 본인이 자란 환경을 설명하고 그게 오늘날 자신의 꿈에 어떤 영향을 끼쳤는지 쓰는 거다. 그런데 거기다가 전공 에세이(나는 왜 이 전공을 공부하고 싶은지)에 대해 썼다. 2번 에세이는 본인의 장점을 하나 쓰라고 한 건데 여기에는 학교에서 클럽활동에서 느낀 점을 썼다. 다른 에세이를 그냥 가져다 끼어 맞춘 거다.
아이비리그 영문과 출신이 써준 에세이가 좋은 에세이가 아니다. 고급 어휘와 문체를 쓴 에세이가 좋은 에세이가 아니다. 착각에 빠지지 말자. 자기의 자라온 환경에 맞게 쓴 에세이가 최고다. 그걸 잘 해주는 게 제대로된 컨설팅이다. 하버드대 영문과 출신 미국인이 한국 유학생 에세이를 쓰다니 참 기가막히다. 그 미국인이 한국 유학생의 정서나 문화, 생각하는 방식에 대해 뭘 안다고 쓰나? 더 큰 문제는 엄마들은 이런 곳으로 몰린다는 거다. 왜 엄마들은 이렇게 생각을 안 하고 자기 아이를 아무데나 맡길까?
